Why is it that we have feet?

I have spent my entire super sunday pondering this deep philosophical question. Why is is that we, of the race homo sapien, have feet comprising of the number 2. Though I would love to hear your various answers to this question, my main goal is to take this opportunity to publish my theory concerning human feet. I believe that back in the days before poachers took down the majority of the unicorn population, our species relied on these beautiful creatures, as well as their close cousins the shhmurllamuts, to promote brain and liver function. Our livers sent telepathic messages to the stubby appendages beneath our gluteus. It was in the vision of the great unicorn god, whose name is too great to be typed by this muggle contraption, that feet were conceived.